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Lisle woman's charity offering 'date nights' for special needs caregivers

To Jeremy Curran, Becky Pundy is a beacon of genuine understanding and authenticity in the complex and tiring world of caring for a child with special needs.

Curran's 4-year-old daughter has an unchanging brain dysfunction and a muscle disorder similar to cerebral palsy, and he stays at his home in Naperville to oversee her care.

He had to give up a good job to make sure his daughter would be OK, and his marriage, his social life and his health all have suffered because of her condition. He needs a break, sometimes, and Pundy is the first person he's found to offer it.

All Pundy has done for Curran, in the literal sense, is accept his family's application for help from her new nonprofit, Respite Endowment Organization, and send he and his wife spa gift certificates so they can get a massage. But the simple gesture has brought deep relief, the 32-year-old father said.

"We feel like she has insight that most people don't have," Curran said about Pundy. "She knows these sort of things don't fix themselves overnight. It's not just with the child, it's with all aspects of your life - care of the child, social life, marital or relationship life. She sees all the aspects that having a special-needs child affects."

Pundy's care strikes Curran and his wife, Kate, as authentic because they know she's in similar shoes as a parent. Pundy, 44, and her husband, Alex, are raising a 9-year-old daughter who has Asperger's, a syndrome similar to a mild form of autism, and a 7-year-old who was born without a natural lens in her eyes, leaving her legally blind without contacts or glasses.

"It's coming from a really authentic source," Curran said about the respite Pundy's organization offers. "Becky is fighting for us. She's advocating for us because she's going through it herself."

With special needs children especially, Pundy said it's natural to prioritize child care over everything else - work, hobbies, stress management, healthy eating, sleep and simply enjoying some downtime every now and then.

"What we have found is that you even forget how to take care of yourself, and when you have time, you don't even know what to do," she said.

But time is what Pundy's new organization is beginning to give to parents such as Curran. Time to get out for a free excursion such as a high-end meal, a movie, or a trip to a spa. Time to have their children professionally watched by BrightStar Care at no cost to them. Time to have some togetherness that Curran is so looking forward to.

"We can't go out places, to dates or to restaurants. There are moments when she completely freaks out and loses it," Curran said about his daughter. "But what Becky offers is like a date night."

'You deserve this'

Respite Endowment Organization got its start, in idea form at least, when the Pundys took advantage of a United Cerebral Palsy program that granted free hotel stays to parents of a child with any kind of special need. Child care wasn't included, but the free hotel visit was enough to get the couple excited.

"Just the act of being given a gift certificate encourages you to go take time for yourself," Pundy said. "It's the encouragement that we feel is needed and the support, even a push to say, 'You deserve this.'"

Parents do need a push, she's found. Even the other special needs parents who help her lead the new charity.

"You're so busy running around trying to get them (your kids) everything they need, that you don't really slow down and pay attention to caring for yourself," said Theresa Bussert, a Respite Endowment Organization board member who works with special needs kids as a therapist in Naperville and has a son with autism. "There are so many services for the special needs kids in our communities, but a lot of the parents get forgotten."

Pundy's not forgetting.

"In our system, there's a hole when it comes to parents," Pundy said. "This is a niche, and few and far between support area, and it's a shame because this is a growing need."

Parents in Lisle or Naperville who hear about Respite Endowment Organization through word-of-mouth or brochures at autism services organizations Giant Steps and Little Friends Inc., or counseling centers Fox Valley Institute and Natural Motivations contact Pundy to apply for respite experiences.

She reviews their applications, learns about their children and their needs, then sends out a gift certificate for a restful experience away from the kids.

"She listened greatly to what it is that we needed," Curran said. "It blew our mind."

Two rest gifts are included for each family Pundy approves. But here's where the push to relax comes in: Parents can't get their second gift certificate for a respite excursion until they use the first and fill out a survey reviewing their experience.

There's even a suggested deadline by which to use each certificate, just for extra motivation not to waste the chance to get away from the stress of special needs child care.

Taking even one short break can be a learning experience for parents.

"You learn how to trust people to be there for you and remember that you're human, too, and you need to take care of yourself," Bussert said. "A lot of education still has to come in because people don't necessarily want to take that time out for themselves, and we need to help them understand they need to."

'The best parent'

Respite Endowment Organization board member Michelle Dacy of Wheaton says the group is targeting the Lisle and Naperville area to start and are still finding a lot of parents who could use a break.

Pundy said she eventually wants to expand the services throughout DuPage and Will counties, working with BrightStar Care locations across the region to provide child care for parents to use their respite gifts.

But those who work with Pundy say she's careful not to dream too big too fast or outstretch her fledgling organization's means. Dacy and Bussert both described her as passionate yet methodical.

"She thinks outside the box, but she doesn't think too extreme," Bussert said.

Aside from rest gifts, Respite Endowment Organization will offer a series of four Parent's Days Out next year, in which parents can drop off their children for free child care while they do errands, visit friends or spend time with a sibling of their special needs child.

A series of Rest, Relax and Loosen Up events that began in October to invite couples to take care of themselves on a scheduled basis will continue as well, with the next gathering to be held in January.

"By taking care of yourself, you are being the best parent you can," Pundy said.

Being encouraged to take care of himself is a type of authentic generosity Curran said he's never felt before moving to Naperville from St. Louis a few months ago. With the nonstop nature of providing for a child with special needs, Curran said he's impressed that Pundy is able to put so much effort toward helping others.

"She took it from her own experience and then decided to act on it," Curran said. "I think that's incredible."

'Buddy Breaks' expanding to offer respite from kids' special needs

  Becky Pundy of Lisle says parents of children with special needs often can't get the break they need to take care of themselves, which is why she formed Respite Endowment Organization. Marie Wilson/mwilson@dailyherald.com
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