Jim O'Donnell: A thankful respite from the noise of nonsense - 'Chip Shot Jeopardy!'
FOR PURPOSES OF AMUSEMENT ONLY, presenting the inaugural - and quite possibly only ever - Daily Herald sports & media Thanksgiving Day family event:
"Chip Shot Jeopardy!"
The game where everyone north of "self-induced coma" can score!
Even the tallying is simplified. Values of correct questions range from 1 through 5.
There are no Daily Doubles. So it's a board that even Naperville's very own James Holzhauer might not be inclined to jump around.
And forget about "Final Jeopardy!" A little bit too much lifting for the host and star - Arthur "Chip" Fleming III.
SCORING INTERPRETATIONS (courtesy of the late astrologer Sydney Omarr):
Perfect 60 - Maybe a slice of Floyd Camembert cheese or a shot of Malort, but that's about it. A little too show-offy.
Above 50 - See "Perfect 60." Tank a few to keep things off-centric, like Fast Eddie Felson in Ames or any NFL official working a prime-time TV game.
From 1 through 49 - That's the spirit. Participation giblets for all and liver for the cats.
Zero - Please check your holiday buzzer.
SO, THANK YOU friends at home and in bars, and on that note, let's play, "Chip Shot Jeopardy!"
The classic curtain parts to reveal the categories as: "That Toddlin' Town," "Come Together," "Get Out of Dodge" and "People Needing Other People."
Good luck, don't plunge and this is a game for little boys in short pants.
We begin:
THAT TODDLIN' TOWN
1. Chicago's American League baseball team, sometimes known as "The Pale Hose"
2. ORD, it's the huge Northwest suburban airport serving many "Windy City" sports teams
3. In Europe, they'd say The Fire plays "football"; But in Chicago, they call it this
4- Named for the once "Friendly Skies" airline, arena that's home to both the Bulls and the Blackhawks
5. Paw-less baseball team that's no longer lovable or cuddly at Wrigley Field
COME TOGETHER
1. Pow! Bam! Boom! NFL coach and analyst has made millions from EA Sports video game
2. Longtime TV home of Bob Costas, it's also known as "The Peacock Network"
3. ABC's "Mouth That Roared," his real name was Howard Cohen
4. Fringe area of a football field, it normally features reporters such as Erin Andrews and Pam Oliver
5. State capital where young Al Michaels honed his poi calling games of the Hawaii Islanders
GET OUT OF DODGE
1. Of earth, wind and fire, the word currently most associated with Matt Nagy
2. Homonym for both "The Friendly Ghost" and languid White Sox radio snoozer Len
3. Type of radio where low-budget drones take on-air phone calls about athletes and teams
4. Monday night TV franchise manned by Brian Griese, Louis Riddick and the supremely annoying Steve Levy
5. Jabbering, pontifical and overpaid, ESPN/ABC "Smit-Ay" who just won't go away
PEOPLE NEEDING OTHER PEOPLE
1. Airborne No. 23, he - not Scottie Pippen - led the Bulls to six NBA championships
2. Of Skip Bayless, Kirk Ferentz or Li'l Wayne rappin' about a Reiki session, the dullest
3. Late actor whose look has been stolen by Bears QB Andy Dalton, he was the folksy star of "The Andy Griffith Show"
4. One-time "Jimmy the Sports Guy" on a Los Angeles radio show, he now hosts "Jimmy Kimmel Live!"
5. No Mars or Sabena, but Venus and Serena
CORRECT QUESTIONS:
THAT TODDLIN' TOWN
1. Who are the White Sox?
2. What is O'Hare?
3. What is soccer?
4. What is The United Center?
5. Who are the Cubs?
COME TOGETHER
1. Who is John Madden?
2. What is NBC?
3. Who is Howard Cosell?
4. What is the sideline?
5. What is Honolulu?
GET OUT OF DODGE
1. What is fire?
2. Who is Casper (or Kasper)?
3. What is sports talk?
4. What is "Monday Night Football?"
5. Who is Stephen A. Smith?
PEOPLE NEEDING OTHER PEOPLE
1. Who is Michael Jordan?
2. Who are any of the above? (There is no wrong question to this answer.)
3. Who is Andy Griffith?
4. Who is Jimmy Kimmel?
5. Who are the Williams (sisters)?
Time's up, board and host are exhausted and the turkey pan is dripping.
Thanks for playing - "Chip Shot Jeopardy!"
• Jim O'Donnell's Sports & Media column appears Thursday and Sunday. Reach him at jimodonnelldh@yahoo.com.